California’s Capitol Press Credential Request

March 2, 2009 

Governor’s Press Office, State Capitol

Press Corps Credentialing Coordinator: 

It is with some trepidation that we request a credential for our chief correspondent.  While Mr. Lucas does write frequently about the governor and his policies, it is most commonly in an unctuous and ill-informed manner. 

This has led to a bevy of reprimands in his personnel file and frequent reader complaints. 

However, it is management’s considered opinion that actually attending press conferences and legislative hearings might sharply improve Mr. Lucas’ Capitol coverage. Certainly a vaunt of several ladder rungs from the current ill-formed fabrications dredged from the vast emptiness of his cranial warehouse. 

By any objective standard, the most miniscule improvement of Mr. Lucas’ reportorial abilities would better edify California’s electorate.  

Most importantly, however, every moment Mr. Lucas is at the Capitol is one moment less he is here at the office.  Thank you for your hopefully generous consideration.  May God have mercy on us all.

 

Most Cordially, 

Editor-In-Chief, California’s Capitol